Dear Love

The love you withhold is the pain that you carry. I really wish you could know how much I believe this. It’s funny, I’ve never stopped thinking about you.

There are the “ones” in life, an oxymoron if ever there were. But there just are. Well, you were one of the “ones”. Agape love now encompasses you. It’s a wider, much deeper form of love than eros. If you ever wondered what I loved most about who Christ is, it’s his view on love.

I want you to know, I love you. You second guessed it at times but I never did. I always thought it was going to work, up until the last minute when it clearly wasn’t.

The future always featured you, in my minds eye. And that’s why I know it was real, what is more powerful than envisioning a life shared across time with someone you love?

I can’t imagine anything better, still can’t. I guess that’s why this list keeps getting longer. But I like to consider that it means my ability to love is still growing.

To the one I thought I had, I really fucking love you and I was so ready to grow with you but damnit if you weren’t determined to be alone it seems.

To the one I never really had, I realize now that love unlocks uncanny, synchronistic powers. My virgo poster sits in the closet, it will go up, someday. My house is still waiting to be decorated.

To the one who sang for me, I think I’m more open now thanks to you. You’re welcome for your first orgasm, finally got you out of your head which was always somewhere else.

To the one who flew the skies, your tormented heart just needed a way to heal, but you denied it. Strangely freaky though, huh.

To the one giving in, now more than ever is the time to pray and meditate. The love you withhold is the pain that you carry.

My ability to love has grown because of you. You were and are a gift from God in my eyes. I truly believe you were the one. The one I needed at that moment. Sharpening my character, honing my skills, strengthening my resolve, and accelerating me on my mission.

I love you for being the woman that you are, and I feel grateful to have received your love. You are precious to me.

Love,

Jake